10 Life Lessons I Learned From Reading True Crime

Every now and again I have to take a break from reading and writing about true crime and insert a little humor for the sake of my own sanity. One of the ways I do this is to reflect back on the stories I've read and the things that gave me a little chuckle because of the stupidity or, at the very least, made me add it to my mental list of "Don't ever..."

I have thousands of things on my list of don'ts, but that would make for a massive hub. Instead I'll start you off with the first ten things that come to mind. I hope you enjoy (and follow!) these ten life lessons learned from true crime:

Be it Jesse James Cummings, Jr. or Jesse James Hollywood that serves as two prime examples, people really need to stop naming their children after American criminals romanticized by Hollywood (the city, not the dude).

It's stupid, so stop it! But if you wish to name your child after an Old West character (fictional or not), may I suggest Wyatt, Cody, Marshall, or even William/Billy (as in "Buffalo Bill" not "Billy the Kid"). Or, do us all a favor and stop acting surprised when your outlaw-named kid winds up on the six o'clock news in his first steps to death row.

For as long as I was reading Gary Taylor's memoir about psychotic ex-girlfriend Catherine Mehaffey who tried to kill him, all I could think was, "You're not really that stupid, are you?"

Truth was, he was. But Gary isn't the first and he won't be the last. Someway, somehow otherwise intelligent men become completely brain-dead globs when sleeping with a hot woman. If Gary isn't enough of an example, then let me give you others: Jeff McCord, Gary Starr Adams, Will Busenberg, John Wayne Hearn, and David Duvall West - just to name a few.

The gut wrenching story of ten-year-old Andrew Joseph “A.J.” Schwarz, who died at the hands of his abusive stepmother has to be one of the saddest stories I've ever read. The poor child was truly a modern day Cinderella, being forced to do chores while his step-siblings were pampered. He was often in worn, tattered clothing while they were dressed in clean, tear-free articles. A.J. was often beaten for their bad deeds.

I have difficulty writing even a brief summary of his story without tears gathering in my eyes. Jessica Florence Schwarz is one of the most evil people taking up good oxygen; but at least she's doing it while behind bars in Florida's Lowell Correctional Institute.

And please, before you start ranting at me about how not all stepmothers are evil, understand that I'm a stepmother myself.

We heard a lot of threats about pioneer justice following the acquittal of Casey Anthony, but in Skidmore, Missouri, those folks don't just talk about it, they do it!

Ken Rex McElroy had been terrorizing northwest Missouri for the last twenty years and the people of Skidmore were sick and tired of it. The law seemed to have no control of McElroy, so they decided to take matters into their own hands.

On a hot July day in 1981, about 75 men gathered in a bar in Skidmore that McElroy was known to frequent. When he sauntering out with beer in hand, approximately 50 of those men trailed out behind him and took up positions. As McElroy light a cigarette, shots rang out. When the smoke cleared, McElroy was slumped behind the wheel of his truck, deader than doornail.

A man would be a fool to mess with the boys of Skidmore. And Casey Anthony might want to put it on her list of places she never wants to visit.

What started out as a good idea for classifieds has turned into a virtual whorehouse. Money for sex is traded at Craigslist faster than shares on the New York Stock Exchange.

In 2009, Philip Haynes Markoff put a new spin on the world's oldest profession. Trolling the listings for the Boston area, Markoff made dates with prostitutes. When they arrived at a pre-arranged hotel, Markoff would surprise the girl then strangle her to death. Before leaving, he took any cash she carried with her. After doing this three times, Markoff earned himself the moniker The Craigslist Killer.

I'm not sure how many more people, usually young women, are going to have to die before people get the hint that meeting strangers from online classifieds in private places is not a good idea.

I can't count the number of men and women who tested very high in the IQ department but exhibited a low (darn near empty) tank when it came to common sense. I think this may have been what my mother was referring to when she said to me (most often in my teenage years), "You're too dang smart for your own good!" Mom, I think I get it now!

One of the most memorable people in this category has to be pharmaceutical executive Dr. Jonathan Nyce of Hopewell Township, New Jersey. (Does anything good ever come out of that state?) His surname became a misnomer when he murdered his Filipino mail-order bride Michele Rivera of almost fifteen years after he discovered she planned to leave him for their gardener Miguel DeJesus (this case is just full of misnomers, right?).

Dr. (not so) Nyce beat his wife to death then put her body in their SUV and sat atop her dead body as he drove it into a ditch. Returning home, the doctor who had made millions by discovering cures of certain types of asthma, cleaned up the crime scene and called police claiming he had just received a phone call from a man trying to extort money from him for sex tapes of his wife and her lover.

In a scenario fit for a spoof episode of CSI, the police quickly discounted Dr. Nyce's story through telephone records (or lack thereof). When they discovered his wife car, it was set to accommodate a person of a six feet plus stature; Michele was more than a foot smaller than that and would have been unable to reach the steering wheel.

But ladies, especially mail-order brides, should beware! Jonathan Nyce was released from prison on December 5, 2010.

Meet Rebecca Salcedo, a big haired and big breasted woman who used her "bigness" to obtain the finer things in life. She hit the jackpot when she met and married Bruce Cleland, a software engineer in South Pasadena, California. After he bought her a home and she ran up massive debt, this femme fatale faked a carjacking with her male-stripper cousin and his gang-banger cousin.

Women like Rebecca are as fake on the inside as they are on the outside and the words that flow from their lips are more transparent than a midnight spirit. Police can see right through their kind, and so they did with Rebecca and the evidence against her snowballed, resulting in a conviction for first degree murder in 2000.

But the big girls story isn't over. In 2003, a judge overturned her and Chippy-boy's convictions on a technicality. Lady justice, however, sent them both back to prison after a retrial in 2006.

My best guess is that, with only the goop they call shampoo in prison, Rebecca's only got big boobs now.

Barbara Terry Ford knew how best to look out for number one. When her first husband and father of her two sons tried to control her excessive spending, she shot him as he lay sleeping. Police believed the grieving widow when she told them it was purely an accident.

Having gotten away with murder once, Barbara thought, "Why not do it again?" And she did. This time her victim was her second husband, beloved high school coach Russell Stager. Just as husband number one had done, Russ had tried to curtail Barbara's shopaholicism and he would die the same "accidental" death.

Durham County, North Carolina, investigators didn't believe in coincidences and Barbara soon found herself in a whole heap of trouble. And as icing on the cake, Russ' first wife, with whom he was still on good terms, JoAnn Snow, had heard all about Barbara's widowhood and insane spending habits.

The jury took only 44 minutes to find Barbara guilty of murdering Russ Stager and she was sentenced to death. But in an automatic review of death penalty cases, Barbara's sentence was commuted to 20 years in prison. She applied for parole in 2009 but was overwhelming denied.

Barbara Stager is presently incarcerated at the Correctional Center for Women in Raleigh, North Carolina. Her next opportunity for parole will occur in June 2012.

Michelle Theer was a lonely military wife who decided to fill her void with Yahoo! chat sessions. While in one of those sessions, she met Army Staff Sergeant John Mikael Diamond. When they finally decided to meet in person, it was love at first sight for both and a steamy affair was born.

Michelle moved out of the home she shared with husband Air Force Captain Marty Theer and in with her lover; only to return home to her husband once again, despite the protestations of Diamond.

Michelle found herself at the tip of a love triangle and she had to make a choice. Unfortunately, she didn't decide to choose with divorce. Michelle instead plotted with Diamond to kill her husband in what was supposed to appear as a random act of violence. But when police began investigating, Marty's murder appeared anything but random.

After her boyfriend was Court Martialed, Michelle knew charges weren't long in coming her way. Bleaching her hair and printing herself a new birth certificate, Michelle took off. But she was never without a man, and her new boyfriend would lead investigators to her Florida hideaway.

Michelle continues to claim her innocence from cell in a Florida penitentiary, but only a handful of people are listening to the murderous quack.

There is a reason why homicide detectives first look at family members as suspects: because they usually are.

Let me introduce you to Craig Rabinowitz of Illinois, wife killer; Dana Ewell of California, parent and sister murderer; Jerry Mark of Iowa, killed his brother, sister-in-law, niece, and nephew; Russell Branson of Kentucky murdered his elderly aunt; Marie Noe of Pennsylvania, killed 9 of her 10 children; Teresa Lewis of Virginia, recently executed for the murder of her husband and stepson; Stephen Barbee of Texas, murdered his girlfriend who was near her due date with his unborn child and her 7-year-old son; Fred and Rose West of Gloucester, England, killed two of their own daughters; Audrey Marie Hilley, killed her husband, attempted to murder her daughter, and suspected of accelerating the deaths of her mother and mother-in-law, and of poisoning her daughter-in-law; Robert Peernock of California, murdered his wife and attempted to kill his daughter; Bart Whitaker of Texas, killed his mother, brother, and attempted to murder his father; Erin Caffey, plotted with her boyfriend to murder her parents and two younger brothers; Garrett Wilson of Maryland, killed his infants for insurance money; Eddie Lee Sexton, Sr. ordered his son to kill his son-in-law and his daughter, Pixie Sexton smothered her infant son; and Sueanne Hobson convinced her biological son to kill her stepson.

This is just a miniscule sampling of death by family. Need I say more?